What Shade of Green Are You?

It's no longer a matter of being trendy to "go green", but one of necessity. It's about the only option left for those of us suffering the repercussions of price increases at the grocery stores, gas pumps, pharmacies...pretty much everywhere. We are, literally, only "one wacko away" from having our oil imports cut-off completely. What happens then? How "green" can it get? Well, let's see...

No oil equals very little travel, which in turn, means very little food, medicine, and other necessary goods and services.  Hmmm...I'm guessing it could get pretty darn green, pretty darn quickly. So, are you prepared to "go green"?

"It's not easy being green."  Kermit was wise beyond his years.  For most of us going green is not as easy as it sounds.  It requires a great deal of thought, planning and changing how we function day in and day out.  Depending on your definition of "green", you might actually be more of a survivalist than a tree hugger.  It's all very confusing when looking at the "whole of green".  So, I've taken it upon myself to break it down into simple "shades of green". 

If you are "Pea Green",  you don't believe in global warming, and you are certain the South will rise again. You support the NRA, and proudly display a sticker  in your front window that says your home is "Guarded by Smith & Wesson".  Pea Greeners only drive cars with their engines located under the hood in the front of the vehicle and where the gas is refilled in the back.  Their idea of composting is letting Fido poop on the neighbor's lawn regularly.  Every so often, a Pea Greener may be forced into "greener pastures".  After getting popped for their fourth DUI, they will succumb to driving the ever-trendy 100 MPG scooter for beer runs, but they refuse to wear a helmet...cramps their style.  Reuse, of course, is passing that bad-ass Harley to cousin Eddie when he befalls the same fate.


Being "Sea-Foam Green", which is a sort of "tastes great, less filling" approach, is the quickest and easiest of all the shades.  You do your part by recycling beer bottles, pizza boxes, and the occasional milk carton, but any overflow of the weekly recycling bin goes directly into the trash can without a second thought.  You still use paper towels, drive your SUV everyday, and could care less if the water is still running in the sink while you brush your teeth.  The weekly recycling bin is your only saving grace, in that, you aren't riddled with guilt each time you reach for that plastic bottle of purified water that you bought in a 24-pack at the store on your way home from work yesterday.

Now, the "Golden Delicious Apple Green" variety are bit more Earth and health conscious.  These people buy organically grown fruits and veggies, and if they still eat meat, it is naturally raised and minimally processed.  They recycle as much as possible, even plastic bagging the weekly overflow of recyclables to top off the bin.  GD Apple Greeners are usually joggers and vitamin buffs, and know how to enjoy books that most of us would use as sedatives.  They will also cast a look of discern your way if you toss your yogurt cup into the trash can...you should know better.  As conservative as they appear though, they still enjoy watering their flower beds with city water, tossing leftovers in the trash after dinner (instead of the compost pile), and don't try to tell them anything about their trendy cars because of all they do otherwise.

"Army Green" is reserved for the hardcore survivalist.  Very organized hoarders of the most nifty gadgets (which they will, in all likelihood, never have the opportunity to use), Army Greeners know how to score a meal whence left to their own devices.  These are the ones who will fight to the death for the last peanut M&M, if came to that. They dig bunkers to store their deadly arsenal of weaponry and freeze-dried foods.  Army Greeners are alumni of the "MacGyver University of Resourcefulness".  Not only would you never see them coming (due to the elaborate camouflage get-up), but they could contrive a bomb to blow up your compound with little more than a paper clip, a packet of iodized salt, and a plastic spork.  Careful with Army Greeners...they are trigger happy.


"Leafy Green" folks are the real McCoys.  They raise chickens and drink unpasteurized milk from their cows.  They truly have no need for the weekly recycling bin because they rarely buy products that aren't biodegradable, besides, who would pick up the little red bin in the middle of nowhere?  When they do purchase something recyclable, it becomes part of the main frame of their homes.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder here...worn tires are rarely a choice of aesthetically pleasing materials for home design, but they are cheap, if not free.  In turn, that means Leafy Greens don't have to earn fortunes in their work.  Artists, musicians, free-lancers make wonderful Leafy Greeners.  Even so, these folks still have their vices...an affinity for old Volkswagen vans.  Of course, I believe it to be more of a statement of their intent to sing a song, sing out loud...don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a song... Damn it!  Gets me every time!

So there you have it!  Going "green" may be easier than you think.  So pick a shade and commit!